My sponsor asked me to write about the things that I was out of control. While discussing some new books to read, my therapist told me a story from this one woman book, it was about her love of sheets but ……. they had wine stains. That prompted me to remember my own bed. The first two years of grief, I spent a lot of time in the bed.
One mothers day, Anna drew me a card and on it it she drew mommy’s favorite thing to do, She drew me in the bed with a wine bottle to the side. I was horrified and quickly hid the card. a few years later, we moved to a house and I decided to put the TV in the living room and create the mom den and for several years I did not watch tv in my bedroom so help me get out of hiding and crying and drinking.
I remember and still have many sheets that have wine stains. I cannot get a wine stain out of my mattress cover because I washed it before putting my special wine stain remover on it. that’s right. I had to buy the big size wine stain remover for my laundry time because I had so many wine stains on my clothes and on my bed Lenins and on towels when I had to clean up my knocked over glasses or bottles.
Eventually I moved to the living room but when I started passing out and blacking out, it would stress the kids out the I was asleep in the living room and not in my bedroom. I tried to tell them, it’s ok. just let me sleep. I often would get up during the night and crawl back into my bed. sometimes I would remember and sometimes I would not. but again…. more reasons of things I did that caused damage to my children.