For myself, these two words go hand in hand. Just like two hands that are very much a part of my life….. I think that Grief will always be a part of my make up and who I am and will continue to be…. and now I add sobriety into my body make up.
Grief changed me, it changed my brain, my chemistry, my body organs. Due to grief, I got so sick for a year or so in my lungs that I’m sure that my lungs are damaged or altered from being so sick. My stress changed my chemicals and how my brain feels things. My shock as my grief began, set how I react to things and now…. in sobriety I am changing again.
Sobriety is reframing my life. One- the chemical leaves my body and my body bravely adjusts
my skin changes tones
my blood vessels carry blood better- my blood pressure is better
My sugar cravings have come alive! yikes!
my brain is coming out of a fog that once grief held captive and that wine, tried to soothe. and now,…. the fog moves away and I can see my life ahead of me without me trying so hard.
I’m literally working on changing my brain wiring so that when I see trauma, then I can work through it without a fight or flight response. I can now use my healing love to help me transform how my brain receives messages. The alcohol is not there. Everyday when I don’t have it, my brain has less of a mess to work through. My body functions better.
I’m reexaming everything. but mostly my brain is buzzing. My brain is so hungry to be engaged and to examine things…
I think about politics and people and how they tick together
I think about trauma and race and equity
I think about food and where it comes from and who gets to say how it is labeled.
and also I watched one Star Wars and the new one is coming out and so thank god I started to watch them as they were released as opposed to how they actually were in time? right? ?
today I just said, god, please don’t let me drink today. please let me not drink. I want to get better and find and live my life.