Mickey Mouse, we went to his house.

Since John died , you think of ways to make you happy again, even if for a moment.  Disney comes to mind, for me it sounded like Hell.

I first escaped to the beach.  I remember thinking, I just need to go think on the beach., but I had to wait 2 months and instead I went there for Christmas and created Christmas in Charleston and beach.  it helped.

Then I decided to go out west.  We had friends there and family and they all begged us to come.  So we went. I had never been and I wanted to see those mountains.  It at times made me cry because I wanted to look at John and for him to enjoy it with us.  but I did it.

I went back to the beach a few more times, and I went to Italy.

Then I was ready.

Trip planning has been a way for me to get distracted and have hope.  Disney did just that.  I could plan and reserve and dream and study.  Then we got there and we just enjoyed.  I kinda am pinching myself about it.  It did not hurt.  I wanted him there but I felt like he was always with us.  It did hurt a couple of times on the bus, when famiies were all around and daddies were snuggling their kids.  I know it bothers my kids because they have said, it makes them cry and miss their dad.  So I suck air and distract them.  I hug them and tuck hair behind their ears, I scratch their backs, I nuzzle them.

I took my kids to disney.  I did it.  Single mom owned that trip. Thank you John.

oh what to dream of next.  ……. Canada?   New England?  🙂

I spent the last of the hunk of money for the trip so no more.  It’s camper time for us.  🙂