Since John died , you think of ways to make you happy again, even if for a moment. Disney comes to mind, for me it sounded like Hell.
I first escaped to the beach. I remember thinking, I just need to go think on the beach., but I had to wait 2 months and instead I went there for Christmas and created Christmas in Charleston and beach. it helped.
Then I decided to go out west. We had friends there and family and they all begged us to come. So we went. I had never been and I wanted to see those mountains. It at times made me cry because I wanted to look at John and for him to enjoy it with us. but I did it.
I went back to the beach a few more times, and I went to Italy.
Then I was ready.
Trip planning has been a way for me to get distracted and have hope. Disney did just that. I could plan and reserve and dream and study. Then we got there and we just enjoyed. I kinda am pinching myself about it. It did not hurt. I wanted him there but I felt like he was always with us. It did hurt a couple of times on the bus, when famiies were all around and daddies were snuggling their kids. I know it bothers my kids because they have said, it makes them cry and miss their dad. So I suck air and distract them. I hug them and tuck hair behind their ears, I scratch their backs, I nuzzle them.
I took my kids to disney. I did it. Single mom owned that trip. Thank you John.
oh what to dream of next. ……. Canada? New England? 🙂
I spent the last of the hunk of money for the trip so no more. It’s camper time for us. 🙂
