She got her learners

well the day arrived and we were out the door, to take the learners test to get the “permit”.


Kae failed it last week, and sobbed afterwards, mind you it was immediately after her last driving hour, I picked her up at 1, we waited for an hour to be seen, then they slowly took her back …  and half hour later she emerged embarrassed.  I then raced her back to the school to soccer tryouts.

It was a very stressful week.  but.

At the end of last week, she found out she made the JV team!  Yippeeeee for self confidence.   Then today, she took the test and she nailed it.  We were out of there in 40 min.  As she drove us to her school to drop her off, I kept thinking of John.  We would have called him.  Or would he have taken her?  I don’t know.  It’s fun to think about.  But even if I had, she would have called him and I can hear his voice telling her how proud he was of her and saying of course you did.

When she got out of the school, I just thought about him so much.  I ached.  finally at home, I gave in to it and just wailed.

I miss him,  she misses him.  oh I think, he would have wanted to see this and be a part of this, he would have bragged about her.  He would have taken her out.

So I took them out tonight to celebrate.  The cover story is a learners permit celebration but really, it’s mom is trying to make you feel the best you can when you just really miss him.

and finally, I just had to get this out and say what I wish I could say to him.

She did it John, our baby girl is growing up.  She is behind the wheel and it seems like we just brought her home and had a family, we had it made.  we had it all.

I just want her to have her dad back to lean on you, to learn from you.  I think I am/was the better driver but you were good at so many things also like backing up and knowing car stuff.  You would have taken her out and laughed.

It’s funny how mad he would get at her sometimes and sass her right back and I did not think she had done anything wrong.  who knows.  she does not remember that part of him.  She remembers her daddy taking just her out.  god John I miss you.

I just needed to write that. ok?