In my mind a lot…. I replay things. For awhile now, I’ve had a break from that. But lately as time comes between when I last saw John, I reply. I allow myself to remember and think about it.
So two years ago on this Wed, He had a funny day, he was in a good mood and we were laughing. He talked me into getting some expensive beer and we called it a night. Then he got up a few hours later and got sick and well, he stayed sick.
I think about the Thursday and I can’t remember what I was wearing.
I think about the last time, I saw him awake.
I think about his tears.
My Kaegan says she thinks about the things we did, like he had just taken them to a pumpkin patch without me. 🙂 Gods grace.
I think about how much has already changed, how I have tried to slowly make changes and how now, life is so different. Way so different from just 5 years ago when I decided that we all were coming to Asheville.
So in two days we leave for our first longer away camping trip. I think I am ready. We have already decided to just have dinners out. I’m excited about staring at the ocean and reading. We have sand toys.
I’m still thinking of him so much each day. I”m afraid to not and yet, happy to have passed time not in so much pain.