I’ve been in a summer slump. Well, I finished Grad school and maybe I had writer’s block in my mind/body attempt to recover from all the time in the past at the computer. I’ve been looking for jobs, cleaning my house, getting ready for school to start. I’ve tried to do some creative writing to submit to an online magazine but I have not been feeling creative. After reading some friends blogs and reading just life stuff, I thought, why am I trying to be funny about everything or why do I only vent or try to be funny. So here it goes.
So one great thing I just did/had was my…. “Big Fat Italian Graduation Party”! This was my celebration of finishing grad school and my attempt to have fun and be a hostess. I have not been this too much because of grief, and messy house and school. So this summer, I have been cleaning, and tossing and organizing. I have worked on my happy living room and literally the day before my party, I had my house the way I wanted it AND that very same day, I got a call from a new rental house land lady of saying yes, we could rent her house.
Yep, while riding home from my mom and dad’s a few weeks ago, a bit bored and kinda blue…. I saw a sign for a house to rent right around the corner from Anna’s School. It is in the neighborhood that the kids and I have all talked about “we wished” we could live there because it has tons of friends all around of everyone’s age. So I called that number and I ended up in a delightful conversation with a mom who knew us sorda and knew our story. So….. I applied for the house. I had no job. and my credit is in repair.
The house has a 4th bedroom, a den, a garage, a carport, a screen porch, a fenced in backyard. I really liked it.
I though, got my credit score and found a few things I needed to take care of. So I once more I put my big girl panties on and paid some debt. I hacked dead bushes, trimmed bushes, pulled weeds… and healed.
And I threw an adorable italian potluck outside and my friends all proclaimed it a great party, one of the best they have been to. I’ve never been prouder. I looked around and I had my family and my best friends all around me. Children were squealing and playing. Adults laughing and talking, eating and drinking. that was some happy ness for me.
This summer has been so healing. I have accomplished a lifetime goal of getting my master’s. Something I did not know or think I could do and I did it awesome.
I took my kids to florida for a lazy vacation of pool time, rum and cokes, and sailing.
I went to Italy all by myself and studied in my mecca of Reggio Emilia. I made more friends and made an amazing memory.
I cleaned up my house and threw things out, organized more stuff and made my home happy.
So finally, school started and everyone is doing well. I have a high schooler now. whew…
My parents bought a house and are close by and I can drive over for a visit and chat.
and I got a new house to spread out in.
I got a little job too!
I think about John a lot still. I think about what he would think and say. How things would make him happy. I think he would be proud of me. I miss hugging him and when I toss and turn at night I think about how I wish he was there. but i’m ok.
The grief fog is lifting. I am living. I am rocking the widow hood.