dear………

Dear………….

this winter has been yuck.  in the past we had kinda always had a trip to see one another.  it helped us pass the winter and man, i loved coming to your house and watching our kids play.

no more.

i know I moved further away but it also seems to have been when you decided, you did not want to be close anymore.

I kinda was left out of that decision,   I would have come to see you.  I continued to call and then one day, I realized umm wait, she does not call me.

you used to tell me everything, we talked about fashion, houses, kids, curriculum, stupid shit, real shit.  you were my best friend.  I loved you so much.  i still love you.

when John died, i reached out and you answered.  you called, but… not like my new friends. and then you drifted back to your new space and here I was again, more alone.

I still miss you and I miss John.

I kinda lost you both at the same time and it blows.

it’s winter and no one calls me and checks on me.  no one calls my kids.

I have my kids pretty protected and they don’t feel the bumps I Do.  they feel their own bumps.

you used to be an aunt to them.  I was aunt to yours.  it was cool.  sometimes I just want to be able to call you and be like we were and hear your voice and find comfort in that you are my best friend.  I don’t have you.  I miss you.  I miss your wicked humor, your confidence, your brain, your smile.  i miss your cooking too.

when I had you, you were an amazing best friend.  the best.

I miss you in a selfish reason way.  I wish you could tell me John stories.  I wish you could ask me for real, are you ok?  but I don’t have that.

i hope that you don’t have lose someone you fell in love with anytime soon.  i miss you and i love you still.

love

ash

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