a 14 year old and the rest of my life

today my 13 year old turned 14.  Today was ok.  nothing hurt.

We slept in a bit, piddled, we were lazy.  We had big slumber party on friday night with trick or treating, candy, food, camper, snow, house. ummm wait.  snow…. yep, we had snow which caused 6 girls to go inside because it got too cold and the heat would not work and so they piled into 2 beds.  too cute.

Kae was so happy.  I got cute pics of the 6 of them in the snow in all sorts of gear.  I was proud of them, for trick or treating in the rain, piling in a cold camper trying to have a camp out and then coming in due to cold and SNOW.  hilarious.

today we went to Olive Garden for dinner and birthday and brought her bff Hailey who has been like family with us.  It was nice. Kae seemed happy.  14.

Tomorrow will mark year since his service.

Today marked for me a day of not hurting

I told my mom, when today ends I can breathe again.  I know I can get through thanksgiving.  I know I can get through christmas.

I know that this is my life now. it’s hard.  it’s really hard but this is how it is.

this weekend I decided I have to keep going, I have to make fun.  So i emailed my besties and said, I need to go out.  We have a plan.  I have a plan for every weekend now in NOv.  I”m sure I”ll get some more things in Dec.

next weekend I am going to be alone.  the kids don’t want to go to grief camp but i’m making them.  I need some time alone.  I need them to hear things.  I need them to experience good stuff without me and deal maybe with some things.  we shall see.  I’m kinda learning through them, of how children grieve and I am supportive and yet this is new to me too.

The rest of my life starts now.

busy with school and thoughts.  I need to fill up time.  I need to continue to take care of me.  we need to go go and go.

today starts the rest of my life.

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