I’ve been thinking about the coming time a bunch. I have thrown plans around like I was throwing a frisbee. i’m going to go to the beach, alone no . with friends. no. camp- yes. wait no. rent a place. yes then wait no. ok stay home. NO! people come here? no.
I go there? no
light candles and sing songs… no.
go to gatlinburg? yes, wait no.. wait … I don’t know.
Go on a cruise? ???? yes.- wait no.
how much to fly to florida? oh.
go the nation’s capital? no
I just don’t know what to do. What would John say we should do? Fish?
Yeah he would say fish probably. Maybe we will. I don’t know. Yeah, he would like camping and fishing. that’s what he would do.
well, he did like all the things I thought of. not lighting candles and singing songs.
All the kids know is that they don’t have to go to school. I already told the teachers.
I”m so lucky. I have like three invites for me to be with others. 2 friends separately and my brother.
my mom and dad have not mentioned it. nor family.
not john’s mom.
I think sometimes, like, does my family know? I asked the kids if they knew. All but Anna did, and when she figured the date out she then kinda got obsessed with it. I don’t know who she is like? 🙂
well a year ago we just got back from our last family outing. splurge to Atlanta and aquarium. I said yes to the CNN tour and I”m so glad I did. I said yes to american girl doll getting her hair did. I said yes to a super lego structure. I said yes to shopping. John got me a double bourbon and coke. oh he knew what would calm me down and the way to my bourbon heart. Now I can’t buy bourbon that much because it’s dangerous for me. yummy.
I have a year of photo’s on my unbelievable camera that I have not developed. I’m getting ready to. I year of hell. a year of making memories to help us heal our hearts. I’m trying to be more positive.
I’m healing. I can tell. but it’s gonna hurt like hell.