sprinkles of hope

I am so afraid of hope.  but I’m not afraid of sprinkles .

sprinkles of hope does not seem like it would be taken away from me.  I think life for us is changing so fast because it did change so fast.  I’m creating our new life of happy.  but past dreams and hopes are not a choice anymore.

I’m afraid to hope because I’m afraid of losing happy

happy is family, friends and play.  I keep losing these things.

I lost John, I did not think it would have happened like this but it did.  

I thought though that everyone that gathered all around would stay they would help me get back up.  well.  they helped a bit, then a few others have stayed or have helped.  but it’s much smaller than I thought.

Hope was thinking I could depend upon friends.

Hope was not having to ask friends and family.  

It feels so dirty to have to ask for help.  I’m not good at it.  but anyway I have to talk about sprinkles of hope.

camp!  Yeah camp!  A person who in my past I did not like that much because i thought she was someone out to cause issues.  boy was I wrong.  I love it that my child was the one that led me to this friendship.  Our children formed a friendship which caused us to hang out. The more we hung out the more we liked each other.  long story short, this very nice woman found out about what happened, she happened to run into me at the camp expo, i was having trouble finding financial assistance for camps.  I was quitting work so I could be home with the kids but I still wanted them to have camp or some fun.  These woman moved some mountains but most of all she provided a cheerleader and resources and ideas.  She helped me look at ideas, she gave viewpoints about all of them.  She called people .  she just was a cheerleader.  wow. 

So Anna got into Drama camp for 2 weeks!  Yeah Anna!  It’s so perfect for her!  Then we are going to tour on Monday a place for Will to go for a week.  Yeah!  AND IT HAS BOYS AND MEN!  Kaegan has band camp and maybe an animal camp.  Yeah!

I also filled out application to go to a festival that is all spiritual and shit.  (note- that is mind boggling for many that know me)  

Kaegan is playing at the Leaf festival with a featured artist and we get to go.  Yeah!  

so sprinkles of hope are…

sunshine, school in completes being completed, grad school stuff, end of year school stuff, camps, festivals, out west, 

my carrots must be in front of me to move this mule.  strange rambling.


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